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Arian Foster Trolls The Internet Into Oblivion, Says The NFL Is Scripted
I used to go fishing a lot as a kid. My entire family would go up to Lake George for one week every summer and we would spend hours every day just fishing to our heart's content. We never did anything too serious–it was all catch and release–but once in a while, someone would snag a big one that would even make Ray Scott (yes, I googled the most famous pro fisherman) shake with excitement.
Fishing is something that I recommend to everyone–you can really learn some valuable lessons. The importance of patience, the value of focus, and, most importantly, how much smarter we humans are than our fellow earth inhibitors.
I mean, how many of your buddies do you need to see get yoinked into heaven after they bit down on a floating worm before you think: “Hey, maybe I’ll go eat something else?”
Or how much scar tissue do you need to heal over the hook-sized holes in your lip before you give up on eating worms altogether? I mean, really, how dumb can you–
As Michael Scott once so astutely put it, “Oh, how the turns table.”
It appears Arian Foster is now the best fisherman on Earth, and we are nothing but Largemouth Bass.
Arian Foster Says The NFL Is Scripted
In what could only be described as the most obvious joke of all time, Arian Foster cast his line into the water on the very popular Barstool Sports podcast “Macrodosing,” saying that the NFL was “scripted.”
“We were really dedicated to it [the script]. So it was more so, like, that’s what practice was about. It was about practicing the script…”
“It was like WWF, so it’s like, we know what’s gonna happen but you still have to put on a show.”
Foster continued to joke around with co-host PFT Commenter about it all, and that seemed to be it. Just a joke on a podcast that made many people, like myself, laugh.
However, once the clip was tweeted out by Mr. Commenter himself, the internet got a hold of it and didn’t look back. Some people ran with the joke, tweeting memes of players “reading their scripts” before a certain season.
Others, however, seemed to have dropped out of joke school before the lesson in sarcasm, so they were left hanging onto some nylon fishing line with a hook-sized hole in their mouth.
At least, that’s what I thought…until I stumbled upon this:
The Script for Super Bowl LVII
It wasn’t easy, but I got my paws on the first page of the Super Bowl script, boys and girls. Let’s take a look:
EXT. State Farm Stadium
The Chiefs just won the coin toss (heads, +100 on DraftKings Sportsbook) and deferred. The Eagles receive the kickoff for a touchback. The eagles set up in shotgun formation.
Hut. Hut. Hike.
Hurts slings the ball 50 yards downfield to AJ Brown, who is wide open after every Chiefs player trips on their shoelaces. Brown scores the touchdown and converts the two-point conversion for a successful octopus (what is an octopus in football? Who even knows).
Wow, what a strange script. Can’t wait for ESPN to pick this up because I definitely am not kidding.